Jun 8, 2010

Things We Can't Ask

If you haven't been here in awhile read The New Natural first.

Alone in a hospital room on a dark night in late January, I dared to ask God the question I knew there was no answer to. I knew it wouldn't do any good, that the question may lead me in a bad direction, and that I really needed to steer clear of any outcomes that bad direction may have led me to.

But I allowed it to enter my mind, and pen to journal just once. HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? In that moment I went further to ask What God was prepared to give me in exchange for my baby girl. I knew then that I didn't deserve anything special just because my baby died. I knew that I wasn't guaranteed anything that I asked or hoped for. I know that better than anyone now. But, even so, I feel that He was listening to me. We have had so many blessings in the past months, I'm challenged to deny that He hasn't been bestowing special blessings on my family in exchange for my baby girl.

And now I'm pregnant again. But the one thing that is hardest for me to pray for is a healthy, live baby. Sometimes, I just feel destined to repeat the tragedy. I have faith that God is with me, that I can get through anything with His love and the support of the people strong enough to go through it with me.

I ask for your prayers today. That this pregnancy will be successful. All the way. That the child within me will grow to old age. That we be given peace for the journey. And please let me know how I can pray for you.

Thank you