A friend and I were laughing yesterday at my little essay on what I find helpful. She offered her insights. She said that people may feel like they are being dishonoring to Brynn by not being sad for her death. I thought that was interesting, but I totally disagree.
I think it honors Brynn to hear us laugh. Our pain is not helpful to her. When in the dregs of my deepest sorrows, I had a sense that I should be protecting my baby from my distress. Just in case she witnessed my tears, I would say aloud, "I just wanted you to stay with me. I just miss you."
It's in the happy moments that I feel closest to her. When I'm getting silly with Shane, or doing something nice for Jimmy. She has re-opened my eyes to her Dad. I feel more accountable to be good to him now. This honors Brynn.
I've been told that people will take their cues from me on how to be around me. Most of the time I feel like being happy. I hope that doesn't offend anyone.
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