May 31, 2010

The New Natural

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, scientists sent down to assess the damage noticed something peculiar. Amidst all the devastation, Magnolia trees which normally only flowered in Spring, were in full bloom in Autumn. Somehow, the trees were aware of the urgent need to germinate new trees in order to survive as a species, or perhaps because the landscape needed the beauty desperately. For whatever reason, this phenomemon gives me hope.

Only three months after giving birth to my little Brynnie, I discovered that I was pregnant again. Is it natural to get pregnant this soon after giving birth? Not for mothers of live babies. But for my community of mothers, like the Magnolias blossoming at the wrong time, it is quite common.

We take it as a gift. We feel blessed, forgiven, second chanced. We are ecstatic. We are terrified. I am doing everything different this time. Getting all the elective screenings and ultrasounds I so smugly turned down in previous pregnancies. Retaining the option to induce early if I'm absolutely crazy in those last weeks, but hoping to have faith. Praying vigilantly for a child that will live to old age.

And I will not complain about this pregnancy. But I want to say something about pregnancy for those of you who have not experienced it first hand. It is harder than we make it look.

Only a woman would say, "YES! Please make me feel sick and grow significantly fatter for a year (or in my case two) so that I may have someone to depend on me for their very existence, and all things otherwise. Let me waddle around for months in my once ambulatory hips, so that I can stay up all night listening to incessant screaming. Let me give up my sanity to hormones for the rest of my life. Yes, please please please let it be me!"

No matter how much I thought I knew about it before becoming a mother, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And motherhood begins at conception. And it is every bit worth it. Please pray for this child, who I decided a week after Brynn died will be named ZOE, which means LIFE!


  1. Congratulations on the new baby to be Teresa.
    I have been reading your blog.
    Christina told me all about your family.
    Prayers for you and your baby and you and your family too.
    Do you know shes a she!?!Zoe is a beautiful name..

  2. Susan, I feel like I've known since before we conceived that Zoe was coming, although to date we have no proof of gender. I just kind of know the way I knew with my other two long before the ultrasounds.

  3. Teresa I am so happy for you guys!! I can only imagine how equally exciting and frightening it is...but I will certainly keep you all in my prayers. And I LOVE Zoe!!!!!

  4. Teresa I didn't know! I have been spending the last hour looking at your blog. I honestly didn't know what to say when you lost Brynn, I remember saying there's no way I can understand, or show my support and even imagine the pain but I now know after reading all your posts that just being hear to listen (or in this case read) does serve as some comfort for you. Now having my baby girl I know how deeply you can love someone so small from the moment you know they are in your belly. You inspire me from your blogs as well as Kayleigh inspires me. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers everynight. Kayleigh has blessed me with a newfound relationship with God and I find myself WANTING to go to church every week (not just doing it because it's the right thing) and I will make sure to say a pray everytime we are there.