I've mentioned earlier on here how "I'm sorry for your loss" is not my favorite phrase. Now am I able to add some concrete to the reason for this.
I'm sorry for your loss separates the person saying it from whom they are saying it to. It isolates the loser. It made me feel like the subject of a story the person was reading. It made me feel alone. Out here, all by myself with my loss. It felt to me like, "I have removed myself from your loss. Sorry."
Sorry is something you say when you're seeking forgiveness after wronging someone. It doesn't make sense to say you are sorry unless you caused the loss. This sentiment never reached me, I had no use for it.
When you have the opportunity to speak to someone who has experienced loss, it might be more healing to share your love more expressly. If you feel compelled to mention loss, it feels less isolating to be told, "What a loss." Though, no one ever said this to me, so I can't be sure how it would make me feel.
Again, a heartfelt "How are you?" opens the lines of communication, allows the other person to share or not, and it feels like there is care and inclusion.
Try it out on someone you love!~
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